help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
