Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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