I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
