We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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