Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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