she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
