It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
two words...techno handjob
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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