Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
