Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
