my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
