Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
