Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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