I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
