i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
