it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
