We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
nutella sex= disaster
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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