Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
