Having a random hookup so left but love u
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
All the doctor said was why
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
