she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize