matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
