dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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