fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
