The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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