I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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