everyone is single if you try hard enough
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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