I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
