I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
me + whiskey = a bad person
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
