I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
