Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
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My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
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sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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