I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
