Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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