Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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