Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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