hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
