But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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