You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
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Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
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The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I know her cup size but not her name....
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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