I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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