who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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