i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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