and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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