nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
