do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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