i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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