I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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