Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
