There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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