there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
