I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
