So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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