I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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