but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
