kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
