Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
