I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
