i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
