I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
