Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
