Too much gin, very little bucket
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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