I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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