just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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