Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
