i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
