THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
