you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I will die if light touches me.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
