doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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