I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This house was built for laser tag.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
