I skipped work to stalk him.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me