Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY