I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
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17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet