just come out here and I will go home with you...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media