I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
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yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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