my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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