Texts From Last Night

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  (972): View more from Texas

  If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.

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  (972): If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works. http://tfl.nu/grey
  Replies (62) Good night (1691) Bad night (2981)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  someone owes me an orgasm

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  (406): someone owes me an orgasm http://tfl.nu/u7wj
  Replies (17) Good night (1600) Bad night (3345)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear

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  (610): connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear http://tfl.nu/s27e
  Replies (22) Good night (3184) Bad night (823)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you still have morals?

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole

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  (443): its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike (303): you still have morals? (443): Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole http://tfl.nu/6ecs
  Replies (46) Good night (9832) Bad night (1594)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.

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  (412): I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay. http://tfl.nu/hmq3
  Replies (10) Good night (1425) Bad night (2944)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.

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  (563): For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in. http://tfl.nu/kbab
  Replies (12) Good night (2655) Bad night (951)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.

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  (337): so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now. http://tfl.nu/ckx3
  Replies (14) Good night (880) Bad night (2290)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.

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  (214): My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down. http://tfl.nu/p7qt
  Replies (15) Good night (2134) Bad night (709)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...

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  (616): took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding... http://tfl.nu/s10s
  Replies (2) Good night (586) Bad night (895)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.

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  (210): I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted. http://tfl.nu/x81s
  Replies (8) Good night (492) Bad night (1108)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?

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  (724): On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone? http://tfl.nu/9ka9
  Replies (4) Good night (614) Bad night (308)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man

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  (864): Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man http://tfl.nu/sja1
  Replies (4) Good night (794) Bad night (314)
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  (716): View more from New York

  We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.

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  (716): We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp. http://tfl.nu/z5b4
  Replies (6) Good night (1060) Bad night (288)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?

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  (305): Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention? http://tfl.nu/3cqf
  Replies (1) Good night (217) Bad night (255)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.

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  (816): That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen. http://tfl.nu/jyfn
  Replies (0) Good night (182) Bad night (303)

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