Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Drake has all the answers
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
