What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
