what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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