Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
