What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
