Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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